By Megan Murray
It’s that time of the year when most girls thoughts lead to a sun-kissed body lounging on a beach, a kicky dress or shorts, and a glow that cannot be denied. Yeah, that is most girls-you know the type, effortless beauty CA girl, blah blah blah can use Nair. For me, summer means things like shaving my toes, contemplating a Hazmat suit, and hair that sticks out of the side of my head…just one side. This year, however, it is going to be different. I am liberating myself from the tyranny of summer and this is how it is going to roll.
Hair Removal-Oh Painted Ladies, in a moment of pure insanity, possibly hypnotized by that adorable little timer that Hautelook has on their behavioral tracking ads, I bought a “new generation” Epilady Sport. I think I may have caught some selective amnesia because I forgot the pain that Epilady had inflicted upon me in the late 80s. In my defense, I have the wild and wooly Mediterranean hair growth paired with s kin the color of…freckled milk. I have to take a weed whacker to my toes-it is THAT bad. This generation of Epilady’s promised to be less like a medieval torture device and more like a valuable tool that enables you to not have hairy toes.
When my Epilady sport showed up, gone was the coils of old. What they had replaced it with is the Sarlacc Pit from Return of the Jedi.
It has these little teeth things that forcibly tweeze your hair. It takes forever and it hurts. Finally being fed up with it all, I have come to a new philosophy.
I am a mammal-I will try my best, but my body is genetically programmed to grow hair. Deal.
The Glow Thing-My body is averse to tanning. I think I can sit out in the sun for an hour a day and the skin on my legs will still be reflective. Spray tan is great for a day, but it is expensive, and fades to a blotchy cheeto color. I have a very multicultural family, and my mother surrounded herself with multicultural friends. I have seen so many of them suffer because of society’s ridiculous prejudice ( ask my mother’s cousins about getting on planes while Lebanese). Even my brother who inherited ALL of the Lebanese/Italian genes used to be harassed by people in power because of his swarthy complexion. I am so glad to see brown skin get its moment in the sun. However, fell off of the back of a Potato truck is an ethnicity too. My husband, the redhead who claims he is Texan but looks like a character in BRAVE, is constantly told to tan. I don’t tan, I don’t glow…that’s why I sparkle.
I am also giving up caring about the following:
- Arm flab
- If my hair is curled in 95 degree weather
- Having a perfect pedicure
- How many iced coffees I drink a day ( I am embracing it)
I think summer is the hardest time for women because so much is expected from you. You need to be model thin with the perfect hair and make-up when the atmosphere is actively fighting you. Let’s make this summer a time of liberation. Of course I am going to always be some level of coiffed, but I am going to be realistic about my efforts. If men are allowed to wear tank tops and sandals with socks–I will be darned if I don’t wear my flip flops with a chip on my toenail polish!